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Lamjo Event Example

Page history last edited by Ms. Edwards 12 years, 10 months ago

Lamjo's Event Memoir

 

 One day, I was at the mall, I decided to play a game. It look so easy. I thought all I had to do was throw a ball in a cup. Boy, I was mistaken. Let me tell  you how wrong I was. I thought all you had to do was throw  a ball in a cup and the ball would land right in the cup. But every time  I tried throwing the ball in the cup it would bounce right back out. That was the part that really happen. I was really mistaken for that game.I felt kinda sad when i missed but then I remembered that that was my first time playing that game. So it was like playing basketball basically.

 


 

 

Comments

 

Holland said

at 10:32 am on Oct 23, 2010

 

This game is at the fair in my home town. I would never win because the same thing would happen to me. The ball would always bounce on the edge of the cups. The best writers are able to write about things or in a way that allows the readers to feel as if they have had a similar situation. The reader then feels as if the author wrote the poem, story, essay, etc. just for them. You did that here. Picking a situation that many people can relate to was very good. You repeat the phrase, "I though all you/I had to do was throw a ball in the cup". Maybe you could changing the structure of the sentence or you could add more detail the second time it is metioned. Tell me not what you thought would happen but you actually did.
You're doing very well!

 

 

lamjo said

at 11:25 am on Nov 1, 2010

That's cool that you guys play that game in your home town! I showed you what i actually did i even high lighted it for you.

 

 

Holland said

at 5:54 pm on Nov 15, 2010

Very nice! That is much better!

 

 

lamjo said

at 12:57 pm on Nov 23, 2010

Thank you i am writing my Tradition memior i should be done some time. Im just getting started.

 

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