Lamjo's Event Memoir
One day, I was at the mall, I decided to play a game. It look so easy. I thought all I had to do was throw a ball in a cup. Boy, I was mistaken. Let me tell you how wrong I was. I thought all you had to do was throw a ball in a cup and the ball would land right in the cup. But every time I tried throwing the ball in the cup it would bounce right back out. That was the part that really happen. I was really mistaken for that game.I felt kinda sad when i missed but then I remembered that that was my first time playing that game. So it was like playing basketball basically.
Comments
at 10:32 am on Oct 23, 2010
This game is at the fair in my home town. I would never win because the same thing would happen to me. The ball would always bounce on the edge of the cups. The best writers are able to write about things or in a way that allows the readers to feel as if they have had a similar situation. The reader then feels as if the author wrote the poem, story, essay, etc. just for them. You did that here. Picking a situation that many people can relate to was very good. You repeat the phrase, "I though all you/I had to do was throw a ball in the cup". Maybe you could changing the structure of the sentence or you could add more detail the second time it is metioned. Tell me not what you thought would happen but you actually did.
You're doing very well!
at 11:25 am on Nov 1, 2010
That's cool that you guys play that game in your home town! I showed you what i actually did i even high lighted it for you.
at 5:54 pm on Nov 15, 2010
Very nice! That is much better!
at 12:57 pm on Nov 23, 2010
Thank you i am writing my Tradition memior i should be done some time. Im just getting started.
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